KoS
by cornwallace
Summary: I don't know what I am anymore..
1. Awakening

_  
Awakening

* * *

Lately I've been considering my existence.  
It would seem as though the only solid proof of it is pain. But even so, the mind is a powerful thing, and not all pain is real. I tend to feel pain that isn't there.  
Sometimes I can't help but wonder if I'm even still alive.  
If I'm even still here.

I think you know what I mean.

Maybe I was never really here. Maybe none of this was.  
Like, I just made it all up.

I see you there, just beyond the shore. Knee deep in the water.  
Wave and call your name. You turn to look at me.

We smile.  
A shared moment.

The sun setting behind you causes you to silhouette. No visible features, save for the shape of your frame. This fills my chest up with a cold feeling I simply can't understand.

Something goes off in my head.  
Without even thinking, my feet begin to carry me towards you as quickly as they can, kicking up sand as I dash across the beach, plunging my feet into the water.  
Splashing its way up my body.

Struggle to run across the shallow ocean floor.

Waist deep in the salty water. Current pushing, pulling, throwing me off balance.

I can almost touch you...

I lose my bearings and fall.  
Submerge.  
Eyes burn. Close them tightly. Struggle to rise.  
Surface.  
Rub my eyes. Waiting for them to adjust. Vision comes into focus.

You're gone.

I look out to the orange horizon, the fading sunlight reflecting off the calm glass sheet that is the ocean before me.  
I feel empty.

Looking down, the dark waters barely reflect my broken face back at me.  
The waters black, now, suddenly, as if out of nowhere.

I turn, my attention focusing on the shore.

You're trying to tell me something...

Your shouts fall on deaf ears. Your attempts to get through to me have all been thwarted.

I almost feel like crying.

You stop trying to catch my attention, and you look up.  
Turn, once again, to see what it is that you're looking at.

It's me...

From the starless sky, I fall.

It's us...

Clinging tightly together. Lips locked.  
My tongue invading your mouth.

I feel as though I'm flying, but I'm not.  
I'm falling.  
We're falling.

Grip tightens, but there's nothing to hold. You're gone, once again.  
Or, maybe you were never there.

Close my eyes, and brace for the crash.

* * *

The cold, black water feels like cement as I crash into it.  
Excruciating pain for an instant - then, numbness.

Blind.

As if eaten by a shadow. An ocean of pain and fear swallows me. Air escaping my lungs, I breathe it all in. I hear a bell tolling in the distance - it rings for me.

My feet plant themselves on hard surface beneath me. Light breaks through the black abyss from below, crows flocking all around me. Sense of gravity returns. I stand on a giant circular plate glass portrait of a gorgeous lady playing the harp. The birds disperse, and I am left alone once again.

* * *

"Will you take the sword, Sora? This path shall lead to destruction."  
The voice calls out.

Who are you? I ask.

"My identity is of no value to you," the voice says. I can't tell if it's feminine or masculine. "You need to choose."

A sword, a shield and a staff laid out before me.

"Will you take the shield, Sora? This path shall lead to safety."

Take a deep breath.  
Inhaling death.  
Exhaling razors.

"Will you take the staff, Sora? This path shall only lead to more questions."

What do I do?

"That's up to you. Remember to follow your heart."

Bullshit.  
I frown.

Shadows crawl across the plate glass beneath me.

"You don't have a lot of time. You need to choose."

The shadows rise, dim, yellow eyes emerging from the head of the creature.  
Emotionless. Unreadable. Empty.

Without thinking, I pick the sword up from my feet, and swing it as hard as I can.  
Blade catches its neck - splitting the thing down through the chest. Spray of black liquid hits me in the face, runs down my clothes.

Flinch.

"The decision has been made."

* * *

"I bleed for you," you say, looking at me with the most deadly weapon I've ever known directed straight at me. "Will you bleed for me?"

Your eyes.  
That smile.

You have me right where you want me, as you hand the knife over and bite your lip. The waves crashing against the rocks behind me.

Do you love me?

Your lips form a wordless yes, and I cut into the palm of my hand. My precious blood draining down my fingers and onto the sand below, staining it.

Our bleeding hands meet, and close tightly around one another's.

Drops of us leak out through the cracks between us.

"We'll never be one," you say, smile fading. "Not completely, anyway. But this gives us something to hold onto."

Light headed, as if it's been drained.

Smile.

"Never let go, okay?"

* * *

* * *

A sigh escapes my lips.

Plate glass path appears in the darkness on the opposite end of the circle, leading up to another column.

The sword is gone, my hand is empty. Blood soaking through the white material of my gloves.

Fingers curl.

"Your path will not be easy," it whispers into my head. "A long road lies ahead. Looking back is not an option, if you want to make it to the destination.'

Fists tighten.

"Your kingdom awaits you, Sora."

At once, all the stars above me supernova and blink from existence.

In this one instant, everything changes.

I am not what I used to be - nor do I even remotely resemble it.

Ascension.

* * *

Your destruction will not bring me joy.  
"What do you mean?"  
Nothing is permanent, I tell you. And since time is an illusion, I already feel the pains of loss.

Your corpse smiles sweetly, as if you've nothing to say.

I can feel your need to comfort me, but it doesn't change anything. It's already happened, even if I can't see it.

Does any of this feel real to you?  
"No," you say. "Not at all..."

* * *

Stained glass portrait of me.

Not of what I was - or, even what I am now.

Of what I will become.

Sickening feeling rising in my throat.

The colors begin to fade to black, as my face is eaten by the shadows, followed shortly by the rest of me.

I stand at my own feet, awaiting what's coming.

"Be brave, Sora. Pain is merely what you make of it."

The glass shatters outward, knocking me onto my back.

Quickly roll over and jump to my feet to make a break for it, but the path that got me here is gone. Turn back around to face whatever fate befalls me.

The dark skies rain shards down upon me, as my silhouette rises and grows from the void.

I rise, staring myself down with glowing red eyes. Look myself in my face, and fight the urge to cry.

The weight of the sword drags my hand downwards.  
Grip tightens.

Alone again, I say. Stuck with my worst enemy.

I lay the sword down, and make eye contact with myself once again.  
Continue to rise tall above me.

* * *

"Promise?"

* * *

Destroy me. .em yortseD  
Please.. ..esaelP

* * *

I promise.


	2. Onset

_  
Onset

* * *

Open my eyes.  
Something isn't right. Something about this day feels strange, and I haven't even tackled it yet. I sigh, and ignore the voice calling out to me.

Groggy. Vision blurred.  
For a second, I can't even remember my own name.

"Sora."

It all suddenly washes over me. Why today is so significant, I mean.

Today is the day we begin building the raft.

* * *

"Sora, did you just come out here to sleep? We have work to do."

* * *

It feels like an end to this chapter of our life.  
"That's a pretty 'half-empty' way of looking at things, Sora."  
What do you mean?  
"Instead of looking at it as an end to this chapter, you could kinda look at it as the beginning of something new."  
You have an interesting way of looking at things, Kairi.

* * *

"You're just as lazy as he is," Riku says.  
"I'm the girl," you say, "it's up to you guys to do the work."  
"Whatever. Sora, I'm gonna need you to gather some more supplies. We need some rope, a couple more logs and some cloth for a mast. Can you handle that?"  
Yeah, I think I got it.  
"What about me?" You ask.  
"You're the girl, remember? Try to stand close to me and look pretty."

* * *

They laugh, but I can't help but feel the sting of jealousy.  
I try to laugh, too, but they just stare at me. I guess they could tell it was fake.

I'll just, uh, go find the shit.

* * *

Tidus is swinging that stick around all by himself.  
I approach, and ask him how it's going.

"This island can get so boring sometimes. You up for a match?"

Sure. Why not?

* * *

I draw my wooden sword, and he counts down from three.

Just as soon as the count hits one, the distance between us closes. Side of the wooden sword connects with his leg, and he's forced to kneel. His staff meets my stomach, knocking the wind out of me. Tumble backwards, onto my back. Struggling to breathe, he advances.

"You had enough, yet?"

He steps closer, and my foot sweeps his out from under him, knocking him totally off balance. Roll over onto my stomach and push myself up onto my feet. Quick turn, and he's charging me again. Sidestep and connect the end of my weapon with his neck.  
He falls, gasping and coughing.

Are you okay?  
"Weak, dude," he rasps out. "Fucking weak."  
I'm sorry..

* * *

He said something about splinters in his neck, and I pretend to feel bad. But that kind of shit happens when you challenge someone to a fight.

I just picked up the rope at his feet and threw it over my arm.

Found a log on the beach. The cloth was hanging on the wall up in a treehouse nobody ever seems to visit.  
Bring the supplies I've gathered back to Riku, who's in his usual place. Most people go through the shack to walk along the pier out to his solitary patch of land that he generally practices on.  
I set the shit down next to a log that's already there.

* * *

"That everything?"  
Yeah.  
"You up for a match before we go get Kairi?"  
I dunno about that. Got into one with Tidus and hurt him. Now he's all pissed off at me. Something about splinters in his neck.  
"You won't hurt me, Sora."  
Don't be too sure. Splinters. Neck. You.  
"You won't be able to get to my neck."  
Cocky. Maybe I'll take you up on that. Put you in your place.

I'm cut off by his fist burying itself into my stomach. Sucker punch. Cheap. Forehead meets his mouth, hard. He spits blood and I draw. Wooden sword connects with his side, and his body tilts. Foot meets his chest, he goes flying back. Arches legs, launches himself into me from the ground. Feet connect with my chest. Gravity is not my friend, at all. Takes me off the ledge and for a second I feel nothing as I freefall backwards into the water.

Fuck.

* * *

Hey, Kairi.

"Sora."

You smile at me. Like you always do.  
My heart melts. Like it always does.

Riku's about done putting together the raft. He's waiting for us over there. You should join me.

She pauses for a moment, biting her lip. Her eyes avert from me to the sand at her feet. Back to me.

"Sora?"  
Yeah?  
"Can I talk to you about something?"  
Sure. What's up?  
"Have you noticed anything strange about Riku lately?"  
Strange? What do you mean?  
"Like, the way he's been acting. He seems.. different."

I stop and consider things for a moment. Perhaps I haven't been paying close enough attention. Trying to finger a moment in time where I may have noticed some odd behavior. Can't seem to. That isn't to say she's wrong.

I'm not sure, I say. I don't feel like I've really been all here, if you know what I mean.  
"Yeah. I dunno. I think he's changing, and I don't know if I like it."

* * *

"That's one to zero!" he says, smiling through his bleeding lips.

My clothes are soaked. It's hard to stand.  
I don't respond.

"You should go get Kairi, while I finish the raft up."  
Yeah, I'll see what I can do.

* * *

It's okay, Kairi. He's probably just going through a phase, or something.  
"Don't ever change, okay?"  
Heh. I'll try not to.

* * *

* * *

In our secret place, I feel an emptiness and fulfillment all at once.  
In our secret place, I live through the present while reliving the past.  
In our secret place, I await the courage to approach you once again.

Why it's always so hard is beyond me.

* * *

Tell me about the place you grew up.  
"I've told you, Sora. I don't remember."  
You've got to remember something.  
"Nothing."  
Nothing at all? It's just a blank?  
"Nothing at all. It's just a blank."  
I'd like to see it, someday.  
"Me, too," Riku chimes in. "Along with any other worlds that might be out there."  
"Do you think we'll make it?"  
"We have to."  
But, just how far could a raft take us? Isn't the outcome of this a little uncertain?  
"You're too negative sometimes, Sora," Riku says, winking at me. "We'll make it."  
I guess you're right.  
"Are you guys ready?"  
I don't know, I say. I really don't.

* * *

* * *

In this cave behind the waterfall.  
Our secret place.  
The drawings of chalk we made for each other oh so many years ago. Fading with time.

You'd draw something for me. I'd draw something for you.  
You'd draw me. I'd draw you.

* * *

I turn to leave this place.  
Something stops me. Can't be explained, but I turn, and there he is.  
Long brown robe, face obscured in the dark shadow under the hood.

"Connection," he says. "This world is no different than the others."

I'm speechless. Stare at him, heart pounding. Eyes wide.

"Our fates are tied, Sora." His deep voice echoes off these cave walls.  
How do you know my name? Who are you?  
"In due time, child."  
You're from another world, aren't you? How did you get here?

He doesn't answer.  
A noise behind me.  
Look back.  
Double take, and the person is gone.

* * *

I should get some sleep.

* * *

"Wanna race, Sora?"  
You're on.  
"The star and back. Count of three."  
Right.

* * *

Three.  
Two.  
One.

Go.

* * *

Feet pounding against the wooden path beneath me.  
He knows something I don't, and leaps. Step onto the weak spot of the pier and it collapses.

I fall to the rocks below.

* * *

Three coconuts.  
Three fish.  
Three mushrooms.  
One seagull egg.  
One bottle of drinking water.

In hindsight, we weren't as prepared as we should have been.

* * *

Wake up to the sound of thunder.  
My thoughts immediately turn to the raft.

Fuck.

Jump out of bed, throw my clothes on as quickly as possible.

Quickly open my window and hop out.

* * *

"That's 2 to 0, Sora."  
Fuck you, I manage to say, coughing up saltwater. That was a cheap victory.  
"Don't be a sore loser, man, it was just a race."

* * *

Step out onto the shore of the island. Heavy rain pelting down on top of me. Thunder booming in the distance. Lightning cutting through the darkness at random. Strobe light effect.

Make my way across the beach and jump onto the roof of the shack, taking a shortcut to the pier that leads to Riku's practice area.

He stands out there, alone in the distance.  
Closing in, I call out to him. He looks at me and smiles.

* * *

Where's Kairi?  
"Isn't she with you?"

* * *

He's staring at me very oddly, biting his lip.  
Stepping forward, closing in on me, he grabs me.

* * *

What are you doing, Riku?

* * *

His face approaches mine. Our lips meet. For a second, I'm too shocked to react.  
Tongue slipping between my lips.

* * *

I push him back.

* * *

What the fuck, Riku?

* * *

He looks hurt.  
I feel bad. Confused.

* * *

"Don't you want me?"

I...

* * *

He turns away from me and sits on the grass.  
A moment of silence, during which neither of us have anything to say.

I want to tell him it's alright, but I don't really know how.

I want to tell him that I

* * *

"Just go get Kairi. You know what you want. I can't help that."

* * *

Rushing through the waterfall, I'm not even looking for you.  
I need to escape.

But to my surprise, I find you here. Waiting for me.

* * *

"Sora," you speak in an unnaturally monotone voice.  
Kairi!

* * *

You don't seem right to me.  
Like, something isn't right.  
I don't know what to make of it.

Advance.

You come flying at me, as if you were levitating.  
Open my arms to catch you, but you fly right through me, and you're gone.

* * *

I emerge from the waterfall, searching for you.

Wet hair gets in the way of vision. Right hand sweeps my bangs out the way of my eyes.

Scan my surroundings.

Flash of lightening. Shadows creeping along the ground with nothing casting them.

My heart is caught in my throat. Pounding.

Shadows rise from the ground.

Things go dark again. I'm frozen. Hand grips hilt of wooden sword. No idea what else to do.  
Another flash. Shadows advancing. Darkness. Yellow eyes cut through, piercing my very soul.

Draw.

I start madly swinging. It has no effect.

They keep coming, and I don't know what to do. I don't know what to do, so I just bolt past them.

* * *

Riku's gone.  
I have to make my way to the raft on my own.

I can't wait for you any longer.

I have to push off now.

* * *

Pushing the raft off of the sand, straining. I walk it through the water against the harsh rain. Hop aboard, and I'm adrift, waiting for whatever's to come.

* * *

The rain dies down, eventually.  
I cling to the mast as if it were a buoy. A safety net.

The storm calms.

I begin to drift.

Before too long, the island is gone,  
and I am completely alone.

* * *

When I awake, you are there.

Both of you.

You've been waiting for me.

I want to tell you that I'm sorry, I want to tell you that I know I fucked up and there isn't much that can be done about that, and there isn't shit that can be done to make up for it, but you're here now, you're here now, so it's okay. I love you, I love both of you and I need you.  
But my throat won't let the words escape.

I just break down and start crying as both of you shake your heads in disappointment.

* * *

I'm sorry, I say.  
But you don't respond.

Are you hungry?

I look around for the food bag, but it isn't here. Maybe I forgot to pack it.  
Want to cry again, but have nothing left.

Please, say something. Say anything. I need you, I need both of you. Please don't do this to me, I'm sorry, I'm so fucking sorry.

You both wordlessly smile and slightly nod your heads. As if everything were going to be okay.

But it won't. I know that it won't.

* * *

You speak to me, Riku.  
But your voice is not your own.

"You hold the key, Sora." It's his. The man from the cave. The man in the shadows. "Use it wisely."

* * *

* * *

Your corpses begin to rot in the hot summer sun.  
I'm constantly on the lookout for a sign of land.  
For another world.

The next chapter.

Is this the beginning... or the end?


	3. Disconnect

_  
Disconnect

* * *

Stars begin to blink out above me, one by one.  
My head hurts. I begin to wonder just how long I've been awake.

It takes me a minute to realize I'm not where I should be. Or, maybe I am, but it's not a place I'm exactly familiar with.

The name comes to me, out of nowhere. They call this place Traverse Town. I lay alone on the hard concrete behind a building forged of bricks, next to a wooden crate.

In my hand, as if a part of it, a giant key.

Keyblade.

Examine it. Such a strange weapon, and it's perhaps even stranger that I know what it is.  
Suddenly, a deep growling catches my attention. Head snaps in the direction of it to face a yellow dog, lips drawn back to show it's sharp teeth. It doesn't like me, and I don't like it.

Slowly, I stand.

* * *

Easy, dog, I say.

* * *

Growling continues. He barks at me, and I take a step back, bumping into the wall. Bend, slightly. Suddenly, the dog lurches at me, teeth digging into my forearm, tearing the weak flesh. Without thinking, my throat utters a low cry, and my foot catches the mutt in the torso. Force arm to the back of its throat, and it lets go. Foot connects with its throat, and it falls to its side.

Raise the weapon, and bring it down on the dog's neck, severing it's head.

* * *

Trying to catch my breath. Heart pounding against my sternum.

The keyblade is gone, nowhere to be seen. Wipe the blood off my face, and make my way out from behind the building. Make my way through the door right in front of me, and into the second district.

* * *

The shadows begin to rise from the cement, and the keyblade has returned in my hand, as if it only appears when it's needed.  
The weapon cuts through their dark figures, causing them to disperse in a cloud of black smoke, but they keep coming. Swinging wildly, destroying as many of the abstract figures as I can.

They don't stop. They won't stop. I know this, somewhere deep in the core of me.

I turn, making a break for it back to the first district.

* * *

"They'll keep coming, you know."  
Who are you?

Turn towards the voice. Leather clad man, looks to be about twenty. Standing tall, with the most impractical weapon I've possibly ever seen resting in his hand, leaning against his shoulder. A large gun handle, with a sword at the end of it.

What a stupid fucking weapon. And this coming from someone wielding a giant key, that's gotta say something.  
His head tilted downward, facing away from me. Eyes closed. As if he sensed my presence.

"They'll follow the keyblade wherever it goes. Give it to me."  
Why the fuck do you want it, if it only attracts danger?  
"Such foul language coming from such a small boy."  
Fuck off.  
"You really don't know what's going on here, do you?"  
I don't need to know shit to know better than to hand over my only weapon to an asshole like you.

This strikes a chord with him.

"If that's how you want it, than fine. We'll play it your way."

Suddenly, he starts running towards me, weapon at the ready. Bring the keyblade up to guard myself, which, oddly enough, he strikes with the dull side of his weapon. The force of it knocks me back a bit. Duck in and slash against his chest. Slice his jacket, splitting his shirt open, I come close, but ultimately miss his flesh.

The handle of his weapon comes down on the back of my head, hard.

I fall.  


* * *

  
Darkness..  
Freefall.

I feel... cold.

* * *

Foot connects with my stomach. Can't breath. Vision blurred. The wet tickle of blood soaking my hair, running down the back of my neck.

Foot connects with my face, and I disconnect once again.

* * *

"Sora?"

You stand above me, on the beach. I look up at you, into those gorgeous eyes of yours. The sound of the waves rushing the shore, retreating. Seagulls in the distance.

Kairi...

You kneel down, straddling me. Face leaning in towards mine.  
Our lips meet, and I feel your warmth entering my body. Like firecrackers, sparks flying, spreading out, coursing through my bloodstream. When you break it, I don't feel the same.

"Is this what you want, Sora?" You whisper in my ear, tongue gently grazing the side of it. "This is what I want."  
I..

You sit up, slowly running your fingers down your chest, stopping at the hem of your shirt.

"Do you want me, Sora."

You slowly pull it up over your head, exposing your naked torso.

"Do you need me, Sora?"

* * *

Yes.

I need you, Kairi.

* * *

"What do you think we should do with him?"  
"I don't know," the familiar voice says. "The king wants him dealt with."

Open my eyes, and I'm in someone's house. Laying on the floor. They face away from me, talking about me with their backs turned. Foolish.  
Look just beyond them. There, my weapon, leaning against the door. Right in front of it. No way to get up and grab it without catching their attention.

I focus, hard, and it disappears unnoticed, reappearing in my hand.

"Does that mean we have to kill him?" The girl asks, scratching her short black hair and crossing her arms. "He's just a child!"  
"Yes. He may be a child, but he's dangerous. I know it isn't right, but we have to do it for the good of the universe."

Quietly get up, making my way slowly towards them.

"Isn't there another way?" She asks.  
"I wish there was," the man responds.  
Me, too, I announce.

Before he can turn, I force the weapon into his midsection, just to the right of his spine. He screams out, and the woman just stands there, in shock. Twist the key, hard, and he spits up blood all over the white curtains, as I extract the weapon, taking his tangled intestines with it.

He falls, and I look her in the eye.

Am I going to have to kill you, too? I ask.

Lips quivering, mouth agape. Eyes filling up with tears.

I'll take that as a no, I say.

Open the curtains, and push open the window.

* * *

The shock of the landing works its way up through my feet.  
Minor pain. I can hack it.

I have to find Riku and Kairi and get the fuck out of here.

Make my way down the alley, past the shadows that grow around me.

* * *

I end up in the third district calling your names.  
Nothing. Nobody.

Turn to leave, but there at the exit awaits a knight and a sorcerer. How I know this is beyond me.  
Sorcerer is short. A duck holding a staff. The knight is much taller, a dog, with nothing but a shield at his defense.

* * *

I have to find my friends, I say.  
"You're not going anywhere," the duck sneers. "The king has very specific orders for what we should do with you."  
I don't want any trouble, I plead. I just want to find my friends.

The knight starts to approach me.

"Just surrender your weapon and come with us, and there won't be any trouble," he says.  
Not a chance, I say. I have to find my friends.  
"You're only making this harder on yourself," the duck chimes in.

The knight is still coming.

Stay back, I tell him. I don't want to hurt you.  
"It's us that doesn't want to hurt you, Sora. But we will if we have to."  
How do you know my name?  
"This has already happened. It's happening now, and at the same time, it's yet to occur. We're here to erase this painful era, and hopefully rethread time together," the duck says.

The knight stops in front of me. Stubborn dog.

I can't come with you, I say. I have to find my friends.  
"Your friends are already gone," he replies, holding his hand out.

Without thinking, I raise my weapon and sever it at the elbow. It falls to the ground, his stump drenching me.  
He screams, and smashes his shield against the side of my face.  
Fucker.

I swing the weapon madly, him blocking each blow, moving slightly backwards with each loud instance of metal grinding against metal.

Finally, he becomes weak, and I knock the shield out of his hands with my key. Raise it, bring it down on his collarbone, disconnecting the right side of his neck from the rest of his body and crushing his clavicle.

Before I can pull out, fire and ice begins to rain down upon me.  
Dodge roll to safety, towards the duck.  
He manages to hit me in the face with a fireball. I close my eyes, feeling the heat of the fire scorching, melting the flesh on my face. Scarring.  
Clench teeth, and fell backwards.

As I struggle to get up, he begins to walk closer to me.

"Are you ready to give up yet?"

I point my keyblade right at him, still a good distance away, and concentrate.

"What are you going to do with that from all the way over there?"

Dark energy surrounds him, and the smile is wiped from his face.  
It closes in, turning his skin inside out, his organs falling to the ground before me.

Drained, I fall to my knees, supporting my weight on the handle of the blade.  
Inhale. Exhale. Inhale. Exhale.

I just wanted to find my friends, I say.

* * *

In the bloody pile of his remains, I found a set of keys. Just outside the first district, I find a ship.  
Riku and Kairi aren't here. I'm going to have to find them in another world.

* * *

Without knowing how, or why, for some reason, I can pilot the ship without any prior knowledge of its existence. It's as if fate led me here, and taught me everything I needed to know about how to use it to get me to the next world.  
I push some buttons and pull some levers I don't understand, and the ship takes off. Stars blurring, flying past me.  
Force of the speed pinning me to my seat. In the distance I see a new world. It comes at me faster than I can react, and it looks as though I'm about to

* * *

CRASH! 


	4. Nightmares

_  
Nightmares

* * *

"The worlds you visit are not as they should be - nor will they ever be again. Things have changed, and you are at fault. From here on out, things only get worse."

* * *

The blood red sky is the first thing I notice, climbing from the wreckage of the destroyed vessel. The clouds; an even darker shade. Is if they are about to spill like a sliced vein, raining decay all over this world. A field of plastic flowers. Beauty that will never age or die.  
A haunting presence here. I feel as though all that could possibly go wrong already has. And I'm probably not to far from the truth.

Hair matted to my scalp. Dried and sticky.

Crawl out onto the flowers, and collapse like a rag doll onto the fake plastic flowers beneath me. Beauty, more often than not, is generally without life. This is how it manages to stay pretty.

* * *

My strength finally returns, and I manage to push myself to my feet.  
Dizzy. Head throbbing.  
Listening for the sound of your beautiful voice, calling me in the distance. But there is nothing.

* * *

"You are not where you should be, boy."

Rabbit. White.  
He's wearing a coat and holding a pocket watch. His fur stained red, bones sticking out through his soft looking flesh.

What are you? I inquire.  
"Me? I'm late. Seeya."

He makes a break for it through the field of plastic flowers.  
Bolt after him as quickly as I can, feet crushing the illusion of plant life.

Gaining.  
Little fucker is fast, but somehow, I'm faster.  
Just as I'm catching up, he's gone. Before I can stop, I find out why exactly the rabbit disappeared.

* * *

Tumbling down into the darkness of the rabbit hole.  
Feel the sense of time begin to quicken and slow down all at once. Darkness engulfing me, swallowing me whole. Watching the light above me fade into the distance, into nothingness.

* * *

Before I know it, I'm on my back.  
Looking up into the black abyss. Wind knocked out of me. Struggling in vain to breathe.

Where am I?

What exactly is this place?

Getting up, wandering blindly forward. Feeling out my surroundings, fingers running along the cold, moist dirt walls of this place.  
I am sickened by a bile that rises up from my chest, into my throat.

Path is pretty straight forward. Once you discover where the wall isn't, you can carefully make your way in a straight line. Before you know it, you hit a dead end, but it's a different texture.

Wood.

A door.

Grope for a knob until I strike gold, so to speak. Knob feels rusted, hard to turn. Force it sideways, and press my weight against the obstruction, forcing it open.

* * *

Fairly simple room.  
Table. Lone chair, pulled out next to it. On the other side, a tiny door the rabbit manages to run through and shut behind him.

Door is far too small to fit through. The only way out of here. With nothing to do, I sit down in the chair, and notices something that wasn't there before.

Pocket sized bottle of what looks like whiskey next to a shot glass. Beside it, a smile and a pair of eyes appear. Oddly enough, I am unmoved by this.

* * *

"You're new here," the smile says.  
Very astute of you, I say to the floating facial features.

* * *

A cat appears behind them. Mangy, with dark purple fur. His teeth, yellow and cracked. Sharp. His eyes, bloodshot.  
His scrawny little paws cradling his oversized head.

* * *

"You may as well have not come here, Sora. This place is already collapsing, without your help."  
Why does everyone know my name? And just what are you talking about, exactly?  
"The red queen has what she's always wanted. I suppose you could say it's because of you, but you didn't cause it directly, this time. Things are different - changing."  
How so?  
"The balance has been thrown off. Two of the major parties in the king's army are dead, and they died by your hand. Your friends are causing their own problems."  
My friends? Where are my friends? What do you know about them?  
"They're gone. But I've already said too much."

* * *

He's already gone.

Annoyed. Pour a shot and knock it back.  
The world around me begins to grow.

* * *

Almost broke my legs jumping from the chair.  
The door is almost too big, now, but I can manage.  
Grasp the handle with both hands and push it open - only to see a lush garden. A pathway that leads through a giant empty heart, carved from the hedgerow.

Through it, I see the red queen, heaving her big, fat chest in and out, in and out. In her hands, a large axe, blade covered in gore. Beneath her lies the fragile body of a child - head severed, blue dress and blonde hair stained red.  
Queen begins to laugh maniacally, until she spots me, going completely silent.

Her head cocks to the side, and she begins making her way across the wet grass.

* * *

"You there," she says, pointing with her free hand, which then returns to support the axe. "What are you doing in my kingdom?"  
I don't exactly know, I say. Destiny lead me here.  
"Destiny leads my axe to your neck, child."

* * *

She says nothing more - her big frame, instead, hurriedly lumbers towards me, bearing the instrument of my hopeful demise.  
Lifting it as high in the air as she can, I feel the keyblade taking control of me once again. It is not I alone who reacts this way. I am guided by my sword.

* * *

Slide in, ducking just in time to miss the swinging axe. Jump as high as my legs will allow, and force my head into her fat face.  
Nose breaks, starts leaking. She drops the axe and tries to stop the flow of things.

Towering high above me, I stake her foot into the ground with my weapon.  
Gurgling screams through her drenched hands.

Still holding the handle of my blade. She removes her hand, and brings it down on my head, hard.  
Stars. Blurred vision. Fall to my back, taking the keyblade with me.

Falling down on top of me, I see so many things flashing before my eyes. Some of them real, some of them not.  
I hold the weapon out before it, and it impales her in the chest, breaking through her ribcage and burying itself in her heart.

* * *

What's left of the fat queen bursts, drenching me in gore, as this world caves in on itself and implodes, just as its queen did. 


	5. Collapsing stars

_  
Collapsing stars

* * *

Numbness.  
When you remove feeling from the equation, things seem to matter less and less.

Wake up in a familiar place, not one I thought I'd see again.

Traverse Town.

* * *

The threads of time are unraveling. Things begin to make less and less sense. But, that's okay, because the less sense things make, the less you have to worry about keeping your shit together.

Knight and sorcerer. Their bodies, or, what's left of their remains lain out before me, staining the concrete in the third district.

Breathing in and out heavily, lungs heaving oxygen as if it were a chore, rather than a natural function.

The blood on my hands will never fully be washed away. I guess this is why I wear gloves.

Above me, stars blinking out from existence, more rapidly than before.

Destruction lays in the wake of the path I make through the universe. But that's okay, because this shit won't exist for much longer.

* * *

Make my way to the first district for some food.  
Sit down in the court by myself and eat.

Tired. Feel as though I haven't slept in years. Head constantly ringing, I hear bells tolling for me off in the distance.

Food is cheap and poorly put together, but nothing I can really complain about. Sustenance is sustenance, and sustenance keeps me alive.

* * *

People stare at me as I pass them by, whispering to one another.  
Rumors, I'm sure. About the murders.

That's okay. It's not like anyone can do anything.

Walk quietly to the accessory shop, to find an old looking man, smoking a cigarette.

* * *

Can I have one of those?  
"How old are you, kid?"  
Doesn't matter. I've tasted enough death by this point in my life, anyway. Tobacco is the last thing on my list of dangers to worry about.  
"Shit, kid. I can't condemn it, but I can't condone it. You understand."  
Right, gotcha. I have a feeling you have information for me.

* * *

He stops and considers things for a moment, scratching his chin.  
No idea how to respond to me, he says the first thing that comes to mind.

* * *

"Have you heard about the bell in the second district?"  
No. There's a bell there?  
"Yeah, on top of the gizmo shop. Rumors circulate that some crazy shit goes down if you ring it three times."  
I guess that's where I'm headed, then.

* * *

Turn to leave, but he stops me.

* * *

"Say, kid. Just what are you?"  
I'm Sora, I say. I don't exactly know what I am.  
"What do you aim to accomplish?"

I smile, and turn away, leaving the accessory shop forever.

* * *

Make my way through the gizmo shop, to the side that's inaccessible from the street. There's a ladder that leads to the top, but it's barely secure. Wobbles at the lightest touch.  
Carefully, I climb my way up to the top.

The bell can barely be seen behind a wooden obstruction. Take a couple of steps back, and throw all of my weight into it, wood cracking behind the force of the hit, but not enough to be destroyed.  
Step back, try again.

Fucker comes down, and I make my way over to the rope.

Once, twice, three times, the bell tolls for this world's destruction.

* * *

Below, I see you waiting for me by the fountain.

Riku.

Defy logic, and leap from the top of the gizmo shop, down to the bottom of the square. Feel nothing, as my legs pump, propelling me towards you as quickly as they can.

* * *

Your arms crossed, looking to your right.

I call out to you, and you turn.

* * *

You're alive! I exclaim.  
"No thanks to you, Sora."  
What's that supposed to mean?  
"Nothing," he says, turning away. "Nothing at all."  
Are you mad at me?  
"Don't worry about it, Sora. It's not like it matters."  
It does matter. It matters to me.  
"Yeah, right."

* * *

Crash.  
The ground starts to quake.

Lose balance and fall. Look up just in time to see Riku shoot me a sad looking half-smile before bolting. I try to get up to follow him, but he's already gone.

I don't want you to go. Call out to you, but it makes no difference.  
Lost. Alone.

A piece of me is broken. It disappears and I feel empty.

* * *

I don't want to lose you.  
I don't want to lose you.  
I don't want to lose you.  
I don't want to lose you.  
I don't want to lose you.  
I don't want to lose you.  
I don't want to lose you.  
I don't want to lose you.  
I don't want to lose you.

I don't want to lose you.  
I don't want to lose you.  
I don't want to lose you.  
I don't want to lose you.  
I don't want to lose you.  
I don't want to lose you.  
I don't want to lose you.  
I don't want to lose you.  
I don't want to lose you.  
I don't want to lose you.  
I don't want to lose you.  
I don't want to lose you.  
I don't want to lose you.  
I don't want to lose you.  
I don't want to lose you.  
I don't want to lose you.  
I don't want to lose you.  
I don't want to lose you.

I don't want to lose you.  
I don't want to lose you.  
I don't want to lose you.  
I don't want to lose you.  
I don't want to lose you.  
I don't want to lose you.  
I don't want to lose you.  
I don't want to lose you.  
I don't want to lose you.

* * *

  
I'm sorry, Riku. I really am.

Please don't go.

I love you..

* * *

I feel as though I'm standing on the edge of the cliff, ready to fall into the abyss.

The world's caving in on itself, and I don't even fucking care.

The stars are collapsing overhead, I'm dying on the inside.  
I've slain my chances at love, and all is lost. 


	6. Three wishes

_  
Three wishes

* * *

Falling through time and space.  
Walking through the desert.

Night. Day. Night. Day.

My travels are far from over. I haven't even hit the half way point yet.

Your distinguished laughter echoing through my mind.  
Smiles I may never see again haunting my vision as I close my eyes.

Heat. Making me dizzy. Tired. Thirsty. And yet, somehow, I don't care about this. I care about one thing at this point, and one thing only. Something I can never have.

* * *

Fall to my knees, coughing.  
Ready to just give up.

The sun is setting over the horizon. Sunsets seem to hold more significance to me than sunrises these days. Growing weary, ever so weary. Not just physically, mentally.

I just want a simple sign that I'm making progress, but I can't have it.

Tears turn sand into mud. Consistency changes. Significant, or am I just reaching here?

* * *

Sun disappears completely, and I am left alone in the darkness.  
The tiger's head rises from the sand before me, angrily staring through my soul with its smoky, purple eyes. Giant, grey. Another trial to overcome. Another test to pass.

I haven't the strength in me to destroy it.

* * *

"What brings you here?"  
I'm looking for my friends.  
"The ones you love?"  
Yes...  
"You're lost, aren't you, boy?" The tiger asks, his deep voice echoing throughout the dead air around me.  
I've been lost for quite some time. I don't know who I am anymore.  
"The path to self-enlightenment is not an easy one."  
You can say that again.  
"Many trials await you. As for now, you are granted a break. A rest, from the hell you find yourself wallowing in."  
There is no break. It won't end until I find what I'm looking for.  
"Your friends?"  
Yes, I reply.  
"No."  
No?  
"Is it your friends you seek, or is it yourself?"

* * *

A question I can't answer. Or maybe one I simply don't want to.

I stand, inferior to this monstrosity of a creature, awaiting the path he will lead me down to make itself apparent.

* * *

I'm changing, I tell him. I don't know what I'm becoming.  
"Growth," he states simply. "You are experiencing growth."  
I don't know what that means, I say, truthfully.  
"You'll understand when it's all over. Things will become clear, and you will learn where you stand. You will either end up loving or hating yourself. Which, I cannot say."  
What can you tell me?  
"Not much," he answers. "But I can let you through."

* * *

He opens his mouth wide, the fires of the future, past and present burning deep within his throat.  
Shakily, I make my way up to him, stepping carefully over his bottom teeth. Nervously, I make my way into his bowels.

There was a demon worth defeating, but now he's long gone. I've faced the best, I've faced the worst, and I experience this all at once.

* * *

Cavern dimly lit with candles that burn forever.  
The treasures of the weak surrounding me, gold reflecting the poor lighting back off of it. These material objects are meaningless to me. Fool's gold, all of it. All the riches in the world won't give you what you truly need. All the precious metals in this wretched pit won't buy me what I want.

It's why it lays here, untouched.

The tiger knew how I felt about it. That's why he let me through. He knows these treasures will bring you nothing but insecurities, paranoid coveting and hoarding is the practice of idiots.

The piles, laced with deadly snakes and spiders. Ready to erase and destroy any and all who try to build themselves an empire from these meaningless materials. The weak cling to this shit to give of the illusion of strength, but ultimately it fools nobody, and becomes their downfall.

It's almost cute - but more sad, really.

Before me, I see a real treasure.

Advancement.

It's time to move forward.

* * *

  
Pick up the lamp, rubbing it three times with my stained gloves.

Emitting smoke that stinks of the failure of the thousands before me.  
Smoke forms into a dark red figure. Facial features begin to define themselves. Deep yellow eyes piercing mine.

He crosses his arms and asks me what I want.

* * *

What I want?  
"Why have you summoned me?"  
I don't know. I was hoping you could tell me.  
"Three of your deepest desires, I can bring to life. Choose wisely, for each misstep still counts as a step."  
I want Riku and Kairi to love me.  
"I am sorry to inform you it was already so. I'm afraid, however, I cannot make your male friend like you. This is a task you must achieve yourself."  
I want to be god.

* * *

He just chuckles, a fire burning deep within the pits of his eyes.  
Cock my head to the side and consider things thoroughly.

* * *

Take me to him.  
"Is this your final desire?"  
Yes. Take me to Riku.  
"As you wish."

* * *

He dissolves into a cloud of blue smoke, and engulfs me, swallowing me, spitting me out into the abyss.

In the distance I can hear him laughing, as air escapes me in bubbles.

Rushing towards me, a whale of epic proportion. Mouth wide, before I can react, he takes me in, and clenches his jaw tightly around me. 


	7. Starving in the belly of a whale

_  
Starving in the belly of a whale

* * *

I am the sustenance this world thrives on. Slowly, I begin to digest, as it is my destiny to do so.  
My hand gropes the moist texture before me, before chancing across what I know in my heart to be a torch.

A torch to light the way.

Wave my hand over the top, and, as if by magic, a spark creates a flame. Flame creates a fire. Fire creates a light. Leads to my desire.  
This place, we occupy.  
Cold and damp inside.

We make it what we will. Move by will alone.

* * *

This hunger I feel, this hunger is not the need of food taking its toll on my stomach.  
It's my need for you, taking its toll on my mind. On my very existence.

Without you, I feel as though a piece of me is missing.

Trudging through this damp place, I search for what cannot be found.  
Completion.

I know you're here, and we have unfinished business. I need completion. I need closure.

I need you.

* * *

"There's a way you can save her, you know."  
What?  
"Kairi. There's a way you can save her."  
What do you mean?  
"She's lost something," the voice says. "And only you can give it back."  
How?  
"In one hand, you have his beating heart. In the other, you have hers. One must be lost. Who will you choose?"  
There must be another way.  
"There is no other way. You must make the hardest decision of your life."  
There must be something else I can do.  
"There is. But it will cost you everything."  
How is that a solution?  
"Sacrifice. It's the only other option."

* * *

* * *

Silhouettes of ghosts dance around me.  
I push on, deeper into the bowels of this creature.

Is it getting harder to pretend that life goes on without you in the wake?

Calling out your names in futility.

The ghosts dance and taunt me. I feel lost, alone. High arches of bone hang above me, the ribcage of this monster I find myself a captive of.

This prison is by choice, though, for a sacrifice must be made. By me, by her, or by myself.

The decision presents itself, though the choice won't be made for quite some time. There are things I must first accomplish. What these things are, are currently unknown to me, as I press on through this living creature, willingly digesting in the acids of its stomach.

* * *

You're here, I can sense it.  
I can smell it.

Surrounded by ghosts, the walls of its innards begin to emit a strange green light as I get closer to my goal. The glow getting brighter and brighter, the deeper I get.

In the distance, I can see your shadow.

Waiting.  
Waiting for me.

Awaiting my decision.

* * *

You knew I'd come, didn't you?  
"I did."  
Do you know what must be done?  
"I do."  
Do you hate me?

* * *

Your gaze cast down to the guts beneath our feet.  
A sigh - from both of us.

* * *

"No, Sora. I could never hate you."  
What would you have me do?  
"I think you know what I want. But what I want doesn't matter. The decision is yours to be made.

* * *

I sense a bitterness in your voice.  
Hatred captive deep within your bowels, just as we are to this whale.

* * *

"What will you choose?" You ask.  
I don't know yet. This is the hardest decision I've ever had to make.  
"Yeah, right," you huff. "I already know what's going to happen."  
Do you?  
"I've seen it, and it's just as painful in this foreshadowing as it will be when it finally happens."  
If you know what will happen, than why do you ask?

* * *

You don't answer, but I can feel your pain.  
There is no easy way out of this. There never has been. There never will be.

* * *

I wish things could simply be the way they were. Forever.  
"With matters forever unsolved? That's cowardly."  
That's easy for you to say. You know what outcome you want.  
"You're too indecisive. You're a man, you should know what you want."  
I know what I want. But I can't have it.  
"And what is that?"

* * *

I don't answer.  
Just silently blush, feeling the blood rush to my cheeks.

I want both of you. I need both of you. I can't make this decision, it's too hard on me.

I know what I want. I just can't have it.

* * *

"If you can't make the decision, I will make it for you."  
What's that supposed to mean?  
"Even within the limits we've been presented, I know what I want. And I'll take it if I have to. I'm willing to work for what's important to me. How far will you go?"

* * *

Before I can answer, you have vanished from this place entirely, leaving me alone to melt away.

Love is tearing me apart. Consuming me.

Alone, I am destroyed and recreated.


	8. Dance, while the sky crashes

_  
Dance, while the sky crashes

* * *

Graveyard.  
Night.  
Fitting that it would be autumn. Everything around me that isn't already dead is currently dying.

Trees already completely bare.

Pale moonlight makes her out to be a shadow on a hill, propped up against a tombstone.

Make my way towards her, dead leaves crushing beneath my feet.

* * *

May I have this dance?

Hand extends outward, towards her.  
She is unsure of what to do with it.

Can just barely make out her eyes through her long, brown hair. Moonlight shining faintly off of it.

The scent of rotting flesh fills my nostrils.

"I am broken," she says, her pitch flat and defeated. "Nobody wants a broken toy."

She stands, revealing herself to me in this faint light.  
A corpse - only held together by a poor sewing job. Dried blood and puss leaking from her stitches.

You are a princess amongst the dead, I tell her.

A twisted smile.  
Her teeth, jagged and cracked.

"I bet that you say that to all the corpses you meet," she says.  
I don't meet too many, I respond.

She takes my hand.  
Her cold, black eyes lock onto mine.

* * *

Step into the void.  
Her icy flesh against mine.  
She comes in close, trembling.  
I can feel her already starting to fall apart.

* * *

The life of this world resides in the dead.  
She rests her head on my shoulder.  
The heart of this place, stuck in that without heart.

The sky is falling, and we step back and forth.  
Moving slowly, as if we had all the time in the world.

Her hand clasped in mine, arm's length, she twirls and comes back to me.  
Seams cracking, crusted blood flaking and falling to our feet.  
The moon bleeds.

* * *

The violin playing softly in the distance.  
Voices chanting from all around us.

"Bring me to life," she says. "Make me feel fixed again."

Soft singing in the distance.  
A female voice.

We stop.  
Gazing into the void, yet again.

I'm afraid I can't really do anything for you.  
"Why's that?"  
I'm broken, myself. Just not on the outside.  
"We all are, in a way."  
How can I fix you, if I can barely keep myself together?  
"Maybe we can fix each other."  
Maybe we'll just break each other beyond repair.  
"Worst case scenario, we stay broken. Back where we started."

I don't have a response to that.

She closes in, and her gnarled lips meet mine.  
Cold touches my lips, and spreads through my dying form.

The sky is falling all around us.

* * *

Gravity takes me with her onto the pallet of dead leaves specially made for us.

Lips still connected.  
I struggle to breathe.

Disconnection. The void sucks me in as her head tilts back.

* * *

"Fix me," she says.  
In order to fix you, I must first take you apart and see how you work.  
"Dissect me, then."

* * *

Her fingers slowly unbuttoning her blouse.  
What's lest of her fragmented body exposed to me.

Blushing, she looks away from me.

I didn't know the dead could blush, I say.  
"There's a lot you don't know, Sora."  
My name. How did you know my name?  
"Once you die, you've kinda seen everything," she says, giggling.  
Funny. What's yours?  
"My name isn't important. And neither is yours."  
Names are just labels that wear off over time. Identity is meaningless when you're feeding the worms.  
"I know what has to be done."  
You do?  
"Yes. So, do it."  


* * *

  
The weight of the keyblade in my trembling hand.  
Push myself up onto my knees.

* * *

"Set me free," she says. "Fix me. For good."

Her twisted smile burned into my mind, even as I close my eyes.

Raise the weapon above her, and aim with precision for her chest. The blade breaks through her sternum with a sickening crack. Blood splashes against my face and I lick my lips.

To the corpse that could, in honor of all the living who couldn't.

She's coughing up blood through her smile.

Everything will be okay, I tell her.  
"I know," she says. "But I worry about you."  
You need not worry over me. The worst that could happen to me has already happened to you.  
"Your fate is far worse than that of death, Sora. But I've already said too much."

Sharp pain in my chest. Hard to breathe. Body is weak. Lean on the weapon pinning her to the ground for support.

Do you ever question this existence?  
"What do you mean?"  
Whether or not it's real. All of this.  
"It is not my place to question. Nor is it yours. Who's to say what's real and isn't?"

Pry the weapon from her chest and stand.

She looks up at me with pity, as she fades away to ash.

The wind is blowing, and we dance once again beneath the bleeding moon and the falling sky.

It crashes down on what's left of us, and this world caves in on itself. 


	9. Clocktower

_  
Clocktower

* * *

The clock strikes one.

* * *

Dreams don't always come when you fall asleep.

High above the rest of the buildings, my fear of heights strikes me at the most inopportune time. Back against the wall, my head starts to spin madly, as if it's been hurled violently around in circles.

Breathe in. Breathe out. Breathe in. Breathe out.

* * *

The clock strikes two.

* * *

On the opposite end of the narrow walkway, I see you.  
Both of you.

Fears temporarily disregarded as I bolt towards you as quickly as I can, calling out to you, both of you.

You turn to me and smile.

* * *

The clock strikes three.

* * *

"Is this what you want, Sora?" You ask, holding her limp frame over the edge.  
Riku! No!  
"If I can't have you, you can't have her. This is how it works."

* * *

The clock strikes four.

* * *

"One step closer, and I'll drop her."

* * *

The clock strikes five.

* * *

Stop just short of the both of you.  
Look you in the eyes. I can tell you mean what you say.  
Her eyelids droop, and she says nothing. Limp body being supported by your strong arms. I want to tell you that I love both of you.

I want to end this.

* * *

The clock strikes six.

* * *

Why are you doing this, Riku? She's your friend.  
"You were my friend. And look what you've done to me."  
What do you mean? I've done nothing wrong to you.  
"You've broken my heart, Sora. We had something special, and you threw it away."  
I've thrown nothing away. I was just scared. Like a child.  
"Like a child? You are a child. You always have been."  
I'm growing up, Riku. We all are.  
"I see no change."  
I love you, Riku. Please don't do this.

* * *

The clock strikes seven.

* * *

"I'm just an object to you, aren't I?"  
What is that supposed to mean?  
"You use me to get what you want. I know now, more clearly than ever, that I'm not it."  
You're acting foolish, Riku.  
"You're just a fucking butcher. And I'm a piece of meat."  
I don't even know what that means.  
"Of course you don't. You don't even care. You never did. You never will."  
Of course I care! Please! Give me a chance to prove it.  
"You had your chance back on the island. You know what you want, and I can't help that it isn't me. All I can do is wish that it was."  
I.. don't know what I want. I don't know what I am.

* * *

The clock strikes eight.

* * *

"You never will. That's the trouble with things. It's tragic and beautiful all at once. You're a pitiful human who only cares about yourself. You don't want to save Kairi. You want to save yourself."  
I don't understand, Riku. Please, help me understand.  
"That's up to you to figure out. I'm sorry, Sora. This is the way it has to be."

* * *

The clock strikes nine.

* * *

Riku, please, I love you. Don't do this. Please don't do this.  
"If you love me, and not her, you won't mind if I let her go."  
I love both of you, but that's besides the point. She doesn't deserve this, and you know it.  
"That isn't the way things work, Sora. Nobody deserves to feel any pain, ever. I know I didn't, but life is unfair that way. Pain is inflicted on you, no matter where you live, who you are or what you've done. The universe is cruel that way. Say goodbye while you can."  
No!

* * *

The clock strikes ten.

* * *

Running out of time. Reaching my hand out to you - both of you, in vain attempts to put a stop to this madness.  
Sprint forward, and you let her go. She falls like a rag doll, and I do the only thing I can.

Push you out of the way, and run to the edge.

My body, my fear stops me. But this must be done. I push myself to take just one more step.

One final step is all it takes. Close my eyes, and I fall forward. The life I remember from the island flashing before my eyes. You. Both of you. The time we spent was priceless.

Relive these precious moments, as the ground advances towards me.

It's over.

It's all over..

Open my eyes and reach out to you, but you're too far gone. The laws of physics state that we fall at the same speed, and I cannot catch up to you, no matter how hard I try.

* * *

The clock strikes eleven.

* * *

Close my eyes, and tears rapidly roll down my cheeks.

I try to smile. It's all I have left.

You're going to die, and it's all my fault.

Trying to swallow this lump in my throat, it's no good. I manage to fail at even the simplest of tasks.

Can't watch you be destroyed by my hand. All the other shit that's fallen beneath me, I've cared nothing for, but this is simply too painful.

Before I reach the bottom, it hits me, and makes perfect sense.

I've fallen before. I have a few falls to go.

Open my eyes, and you're not even there anymore.

Just darkness.

Let out a cry of relief. A cry of pain. A cry of joy. A cry of anger. A cry of disgust.

I laugh, because it's all I have left. I laugh because it's kinda funny. I laugh because it hurts. I laugh, because this isn't over yet. Not by a longshot.

* * *

The clock strikes twelve, and the bell tolls for all of us.


	10. Sacrifice

_  
Sacrifice

* * *

Where I land, there is water as far as the eye can see.  
I am not alone - though it might seem that way.

I do not plunge into the depths. Instead, I land atop it without feeling a thing. My body defies logic, sitting atop the rippling surface as if it were as dense as I.

The clocktower is not present. I seem to have landed in another time - another world.

* * *

With a little resistance, I manage to my feet. The light from above shining brightly down on me.  
Above me, a single star guides my way.

North.

Wordlessly, I travel forth, to make my choice.

* * *

I have traveled the four corners of the universe, and here I end up, in the center of everything. Ready to face the biggest challenge yet.  
Take a deep breath. It may be my last. Enjoy it for what it is. A breath of stale air.

My legs work without direction from my brain. Body acts on its own.

We must learn better ways to love.  
This is my burden to bear. My test to pass. My obstacle to overcome.

Do you feel time slipping away from us? Eluding us like an animal evading captivity?

I can smell you on the horizon.

Tell myself everything will be okay, but I know it not to be true.

* * *

The things you feel outsmart the things you know.  
I feel the void approaching. I feel you fading away.

I know there's a way to fix things, but I feel as though I will fail at making the right decisions.

Light at the end of the tunnel is flickering for obvious reasons. Will I arrive at the end safely, or will failure rear its ugly head?

You wait for me on the horizon. Two lifeless bodies, sprawled across this uncertain surface we stand on. I need the two of you far more than you could ever fathom. That is why this must be done. That is why this must be taken care of.

That is why I have made my decision. And, as I expected, it was the hardest decision I've ever had to make.

* * *

"Are you sure about this?"  
I don't know. But I'll do what I have to.  
"Out of the three decisions you had, how can you be so sure you've made the right one?"  
I can't. That's the hard part. I must accept the consequences of the path I've chosen. There's no other way around this.  
"It was always your decision to make. I suppose that means you've picked the right one by default."  
You have an interesting way of looking at things.  
"The path of destruction. Inner. Outer. Others. Self. Things couldn't be helped."  
I know.  
"Does this comfort you?"  
No. It makes me sad. It makes me empty.  
"I'm sorry I couldn't create a perfect world for you. That's all I wanted. I wanted you to be happy."  
I did, too.

* * *

I'll spend an eternity trying to rid you from my bones.  
Your remnants will linger like the ghost of that unwilling to move on. It's understandable, but I wish it wasn't so.  
The fall of something that could have been beautiful begins here. Or maybe I'm just catching on. Maybe it started a long time ago, and there was nothing I could ever do about it. Or, perhaps it could have been helped, but I was just too stupid to figure it out. Neither would have surprised me.

I am a victim of my own failure. My own self-hatred. The wounds inflicted upon me were signed in blood - mine.

* * *

"Your kingdom awaits you, Sora," you both say in unison. "Eternity awaits you."  
Wishes are eternal, I say. I've faced eternity and come out empty handed. There is nothing left for me now.

* * *

This is forever.  
This is eternal.  
This is immortal.

We kiss on the mouth. We cough blood into our sleeves. We see the light for what it is, was, and always will be. We are forged of the seed of the forgotten. The loss will hurt. The pride will bleed.

We can't be any better.

There's only one thing left for me to do.

* * *

Rise, I tell you. It's time.

Without a word, you both stand. As if breathing by my command.

I want to apologize. I want to tell you I'm sorry for everything. I want to tell you how I feel about both of you - you mean so much to me.

The world.

Ironic.

I taste copper in my throat, as if choking on pennies. But we all know it's not the case. Try to swallow, but the opening is too tight.

Forbidden fruits are forbidden for a reason. That's okay, it's better to have not tasted a thing.

You both stare at me without blinking, and I feel naked.

Keyblade appears in my hand once again.

Confusion stretched across your faces.  
Wonder. Curiosity.

* * *

When I sleep, I'll be okay.  
When I dream, I'm someone new.

* * *

This is all for you.  
All for love.

Turn the blade towards my own chest, gripping the sharp edge as tightly as I can. Point digging into my flesh, pressing myself to follow through.

Did you see this coming?

Is this what you expected of me?

For what matters most, I sacrifice.  
So you both can exist, I destroy what little is left of myself.

* * *

Death and rebirth.  
Blood drips down my chest, slowly. Tickling. Stinging.

* * *

Flames inside roaring as the wind vigorously dances with them. It isn't over yet.  
Behind this smile, I hide something hurtful. Something bitter.

Sharp pain as I self destruct.

It's okay, you can look away. I understand.

You are the only things that make me want to live at all.  
If I can't be with you - the both of you - what point is there to existing?

I see no reason to stay.

Sternum cracks. Heart engulfs the sharp point. I feel as though I'm coming to life and dying at the same time - but only the latter is certain.

I wish I could return what you gave me. This is the closest I can ever come.

Bleed a thousand regrets, as I slowly fade from existence before your eyes.

* * *

I love you. 


	11. One

_  
One

* * *

When you're here, the darkness doesn't seem so dark.  
Light fills me, and I can see clearly. Not on the inside, mind you - but on the outside.

Your arms wrap around me, your sweet caress soothing my every insecurity. Easing my every fear. Putting every doubt I have to rest.

Fingertips running against soft skin. Do you feel me?

Sparks flying around us, lighting your gorgeous, naked body up before me. Your smile illuminating my lifeless being.

Your heart beating in sync with my every thought.

* * *

The threads of existence sew something beautiful together.

Our lips connect, and my heart races. Skin touching skin, hearts beating together - do you feel this, too?

Tongues dancing a slow and beautiful dance. Our souls entwined like a pair of pit vipers.

You feel me. I feel you.

Density. Moisture.

We're not here anymore. We exist in a plane beyond reality - a plane of ecstasy. A world of our own, spiraling downward towards complete and utter bliss.

I'm inside you. Do you need me?

Do you love me?

* * *

"I love you, Sora."  
I love you, Kairi.  
"I need you, Sora."  
I need you, Kairi.

* * *

Our lips disconnect briefly. Your tongue dragging down my neck, along my collar bone.  
A moan escapes my lips.  
Tongue meets the area just below your ear. Slides its way down maybe an inch before I sink my teeth into you.  
Sighs of pleasure.

Fulfillment.

* * *

Hold onto me, pretty baby.  
Feel my every touch.  
Relish every shared sensation.  
Live a thousand lives and die a thousand deaths.

I lose myself in you - as you lose yourself in me.

* * *

Pushing deeper, your throat emitting the cries of satisfaction - as do mine.

Every movement, shared.  
Every thought, connected.

We are one. And together, we are complete.

This is what I've wanted. This is what I've needed.

* * *

Passion.  
Mouths reconnecting.

You breathe life into me.  
I breathe life into you.

It's not about taking, it's not about fucking, it's not about cumming.

Connections.

It's about unity. It's about intimacy. We couldn't get closer if we tried.

It's about sharing.

The perfect game to play.

* * *

Faster.  
Moan.  
Harder.  
Gasp.  
Breathe.

* * *

Make this last forever.  
Please.

I never want this to end. I never want it to stop.

I don't just want it. I need it.

Inside you, I thrive.

We are both filled, on as many levels as we can be.

I feel your heart beating, pounding against my chest, as mine beats, pounds against yours.

I never want to lose you.

Cry out.

* * *

Release.

It's almost too much, but I endure it.

It's almost painful, but I love it.

Pushing deeper than ever before, I've lost myself completely before losing you becomes a grim reality.

One amazing instance, and it flares out and fades, like the dying sparks around us.

* * *

Grip tightens, but you are gone. Or, maybe you were never here.

Perhaps this is all an elaborate fantasy.

Regardless, it's what I need, and it can never last forever.

Loss.

Emptiness.

* * *

I love you, I say, even though you can't hear me, as I curl up into the fetal position and try to fight off the cold of loneliness.

I'm alone. I always have been.

Anything in the world, I'd give it all up to feel that connection again.

Sighs of pain and sadness escape my lips, as the last breath of a dying old man.

Words will never be enough to comfort me.

* * *

Nothing in this universe of ours could match the pain of losing what I hold most dear. Try my hardest not to cry the tears of defeat, as the only thing keeping me together vanishes from my life entirely.

I suffer alone, as I always have. 


	12. Void

_  
Void

* * *

Here, there is nothing.  
Here, I am nothing.

* * *

Into the infinite and beyond, I travel through the void alone, as it was meant to be. My sacrifice has not gone unnoticed by everyone.  
By everything.

By pure will alone, I feel the light of a thousand suns shine upon me.

* * *

Instead of fading, I exist again.


	13. Night on the sun

_  
Night on the sun

* * *

If you want to make someone suffer, you can't do something as simple as just killing them. Killing them makes them go away, not suffer.  
If you want them to suffer emotionally, you have to take away what they love. If you want them to suffer physically, you have to torture them.

If you want them to suffer both physically and emotionally, you have to make them fall in love with you. When the torture occurs, it will hurt so much worse.

Where am I going with this?

* * *

* * *

The planet is caving in on itself.  
For the first time, I didn't need to lift a finger to aide in the destruction of this place.

The ground is made of light. The sky rains oil down on everything, but oddly enough, I remain untouched by it.

Massive explosion in the distance, that seems to be frozen in time.

I step forward, taking a deep breath, walking across the light.

The floor gets brighter, and I'm lost.

* * *

I'm in the third district of Traverse Town, standing over the mutilated bodies of the knight and the sorcerer. Their corpses stand, and they smile at me.

"Look what you've done, Sora," the sorcerer says. "Are you happy with yourself?"  
"Yeah, Sora. Look what you've done," the knight repeats, chuckling. "Was it all worth it?"  
I'm not even sure I exist, I say. Why should I care?  
"You do exist, and you're destroying everything you lay your hands on."  
If I do exist, I'm not supposed to. Tell me, sorcerer. If I destroy everything I lay my hands on, why am I still here?

The corpses fall once again. Lifeless as they were before.

"It's only a matter of time," the voices of the sorcerer, Riku, Kairi and Ansem say, echoing through my mind.

* * *

Trudging through the desert of light towards the destruction I crave. Can't help but wonder whether or not any of the other worlds survived. Can't help but wonder what this place was life before the destruction. Can't help but wonder if it even existed. Can't help but wonder if it exists even now.

The light is getting hotter, brighter as I move along.

* * *

I'm in our secret place, carving angels into the cave walls with a sharp rock.

You're not here, and I don't know if you know this, but I'm doing it for you. I hope you like it, I really do.

* * *

"This is your last chance to end things peacefully, Sora."  
I have to find Kairi. I have to find Riku.  
"They're gone, Sora. You need to accept that."  
I can't. Not until I'm gone, too.  
You're a fool.

* * *

I feel like I've been walking for days.  
The sky darkens as the ground gets brighter.  
Fatigue is wearing me thin. Before soon, the seams will start cracking, and I'll fall apart.

Fuck. I have to endure. I have to push on. It's all been building up to this.

* * *

The red queen's body holds a bloody axe in her lush garden of death.  
Her own head at her feet.

She looks at me, smiling.

"We're waiting for you, Sora. We've been waiting for a long time."

* * *

Almost there.

Oblivion awaiting me.

But someone stands in the way of that - the king. Holding a keyblade, his arms crossed, tapping his foot. I know not what to say to him, save for the fact that I imagined that he would be a lot taller.

* * *

"What do you think you're doing?"  
You're the one who sent the knight and sorcerer, huh?  
"And you're the one that killed them."  
It was them or me. I had to find my friends. You understand.

* * *

I've stopped dead in my tracks, his small silhouette unmoving, unchanging. His head, his big ears finally cock slightly to the side.  
The oil rain hits the light below and the ground turns a deep purple as it hits. The light swallows it and it's as if it was never there. This is happening all around me.

Turn off the light, we spend this night on the sun. We're hopelessly hopeless.

* * *

"Have you considered the consequences of your actions?"  
Not really. I'm kinda just pushing forward with little thought to it.  
"Do you understand what is at stake, Sora?"  
I don't imagine so.  
"Your universe is at stake. All of it."  
I don't care if it exists or not, if I can't have what I want.

* * *

He has nothing to say to that. His silhouette just stands there, completely still.

* * *

"Do you think that's what Riku and Kairi would want? The fall of the universe, over them?"  
Why would that ultimately matter, if they're no longer here to share it with me?  
"Did you know that if you rearrange the letters in the word love, you get PAIN?"  
You know something, King Mickey? You're alright.  
"I'm sorry to say we couldn't meet under different circumstances. You know what has to be done, right?"  
One of us has to die.

* * *

He wordlessly nods.

* * *

I'm sorry it has to be this way, I tell him.  
"Me, too."  
It was nice knowing you.  
"Ditto."

* * *

Blades connect. Sparks fly.  
Disconnection. He jumps up and kicks me in the chest. Not strong enough to send me flying, but I stagger backwards a bit. He throws his keyblade up to guard. I catch him off it by throwing mine at his hand, severing two fingers through the handle. He screams, dropping his weapon, blood sprinkling the light below. Turning black and being swallowed by the light.

* * *

I'm sorry, Mickey.

* * *

Keyblade strikes his skull, wedging it's way down through the center of his head, splitting it down to the neck. Blood and brain matter spray all over my face, dripping down, disappearing into the light.

Some fucking king you were, I think to myself as I pry the weapon from his useless frame.

* * *

I consider that this may be my punishment.

All of this.

It would only make sense.

The intense heat, practically cooking my fragile skin.

The keyblade disappears from my hand, and I walk slowly into the infinite.


	14. Ansem

_  
Ansem

* * *

Light washes over me.  
This place is familiar, but it doesn't immediately register.

I'm taken aback. Kind of in shock. Can't help but wonder if any of this is real, or not. I've traveled across the universe only to end up back at point A.  
Destiny Islands. My home. The irony of the name of this place strikes me only now, as I stand on the beach I once called my home. Looking out on the sea that swallowed me, and spit me out in another world.

You're standing out there, the incoming waves rushing over your feet. Staring out to the sea, as I do behind you. Sense of deja vu washes over me, as if I've lived this very moment a thousand times before.

I call out to you.

* * *

Riku?

* * *

You turn and face me, with that very same smile on your face that was there just before I left this place. Eyes close, as your head tilts upward. The sun kissing the horizon behind you, dim orange glow reflecting more brightly than it seems it should off the endless patch of water behind you.

Look as though you're having an orgasm. You make a noise that indicates amazing sensation before opening your eyes, and readjusting your head to make eye contact.

* * *

"You've finally made it!" You exclaim, as though happy to see me. "I've been waiting for you."

Voice is not your own. You're not Riku anymore. You're still Ansem.

* * *

What have you done to my friends? To my island?  
"I've done nothing to your friends or your island, my dear boy. You've made all of this happen yourself."  
You and I are going to rot like apples on the ground.  
"Are we? Or, are you going to destroy yourself and take me with you?"  
I'm not so sure what that means.  
"You'll understand in due time."  
How can I understand if I've been destroyed by my own hand? Or even yours?

* * *

You don't say anything.

You just laugh and turn away.

* * *

"Don't ever change, okay?"

* * *

* * *

"The tide's coming in," you say. "As it always has. My question to you is - do you think it will continue to do so after you are gone?"

* * *

I have nothing to say to that. For whatever reason, I feel ashamed.  
Embarrassed.

Look down. Shoe kicks the dirt, digging a little groove beneath my feet. A trench for the lesser creatures to cross. Our effect on the world around us is generally lost.  
Destruction. Alteration. Pain. Loss. Gain. Feelings. Emotions. We all cause much more shit than any of us are willing to admit.

* * *

"Your struggles with the world you've created on the inside, and the world you live in on the outside are cute, Sora. Cute, but futile. You'll never fully grasp things. You're feet are broken. Why do you still insist on trying to stand?"  
Where's Kairi?

* * *

You're laughing again, and it's starting to fucking piss me off.

I ask again.

* * *

Where is she?  
"You're friend is gone, but her shell remains. Look to the waterfall. The same place we all met."

* * *

Don't exactly know how to react to this. I don't exactly want him to catch me off guard with trickery.  
It takes me a minute, but I turn to face the entrance to our secret place. There, beneath the waterfall floats the lifeless shell of what I once loved. What I held most dear.

You.

Both of you.

One, a puppet. The other a lifeless pile of meat and bones.

* * *

My heart pounding in my chest, I approach what's left of you.  
Splash, as I step into the water.

Your dead body floating face first in the waters of life.

As I kneel, soaking my knees and shorts, I turn you over.

Heartbeat stops.

A swarm of black moths fly from your mouth, surrounding me.

Engulfing me.

I try to breathe, but it feels like a foreign task I'm not used to.

* * *

Standing on the beach once again, coughing up blood. Staining the sand a deep red. Turns black, and creates a hole in the earth below.  
Ground starts vigorously shaking, and I'm thrown off balance.

Land rises high above the waters, and begins to crack.

You're looking right at me, smiling.  
That fucking smile.

I want to tear it off your fucking face.

* * *

"Your entire existence is collapsing, Sora," you tell me, gently brushing the silver hair out of your eyes. "What will you do to save it?"  
Nothing, I say. There isn't shit I can do.  
"Giving in so easily? I always knew you were a coward?"  
Accepting oblivion isn't cowardice. What I can do, is make these last few minutes count.

* * *

The weight of the keyblade once again pulling my hand down. Fist tightens around the handle. Bring it up, resting the dull end against my shoulder.

* * *

"And just how do you plan on making these last few remaining moments count?"

* * *

Closing the distance. Responding with actions, not words. Keyblade swings directly for his head, but he ducks at just the last second.  
Head meets my stomach, knocking the wind out of me, pushing me onto my ass. Roll to recovery. His body emits black and dark purple energy, which collects out in front of him. He launches at me, and I roll again, barely missing it. The ground absorbs it, and it begins erupting outwards in dark patches all around me.

Shards of ice flying in my direction. Too many to dodge. Like frozen bullets, burying themselves into my skin. I cry out, but it does me no good.

Bleeding.

Before I can even react, he's right on top of me. Elbow meets the side of my face, and I hear a loud cracking noise from within.

His blows land faster than my body can even properly react to them. Feel as though I'm convulsing, seizing.  
Fall. Spit three teeth and a pool of blood out. Wipe my face.

* * *

"You ready to give up, Sora?"

* * *

Dizzy.  
The colors of the world around me begin to smear into one another, almost as if melting.

* * *

In the beginning, there was one.  
Before long, there were two, and it still felt like something was missing.

You and I, Riku. That's all there were.

We were incomplete, I felt.

Though, I can't help but look back and notice now what I never noticed then. The way you looked at me. The way you smiled at me.

As far as you were concerned, I was all you needed. All you wanted. You loved me. I know that now.

And then there were three, and I felt whole.

I wanted - needed both of you. I still do.

The past, the present, the future all taking place in one instant.

Life flares out in one magical burst of light, and slowly dies away. It's a matter of how long you manage to cling desperately to it.

The glory of gain. The feeling of contentment. The pain of loss.

Happiness.  
Sadness.  
Pain.  
Anguish.  
Joy.  
Laughter.  
Tears.  
Anger.  
Hatred.

Life.

Death.

The beginning - the end.

All one in the same.

* * *

The keyblade falls from my hand, and I do nothing to retrieve it.

Struggle to stand. Legs are weak.

You smile at me in amusement, as blood drips from my forehead and into my eyes. Somehow, I see through it.

I see you.

Stagger forward, and I grab your face with both hands.

The smug smile on your face replaced with an expression of shock and confusion.

* * *

I love you, Riku, I say. I always have. I just didn't know it.

* * *

Melt me.  
Destroy me.  
Make me whole and erase me from existence.  
Fill me up and empty me.

This is love.

* * *

Pull your face in and plant a kiss on your lips. Sucking the energy out of you, inhaling it. We become one, and when we disconnect, you are the weak one.

Your legs lose stability and you fall to your knees.  
Push you over and straddle your limp form. Lean in, tongue forcing its way into your mouth. Our insides dance with each other.

Hand grinding against your crotch.

Break the kiss, and whisper in your ear.

* * *

Is this not what you always wanted?

You moan.

It's what I wanted.

* * *

Hands all over you, rubbing you, feeling you, bringing you to life.  
They stop on the sides of your face, and you look as though you're about to cry.

* * *

Goodbye, Riku, I say. Goodbye, Ansem.

* * *

Force thumbs into your eye sockets, smashing and crushing your fragile windows to the world into your brain.  
You scream, and it pains me, too.

Knuckles grinding against your skull.

The sky cracks open, and the light shines through.

Remove my hands from your face. Thumbs covered in blood and brain matter. Bring my stained hands to my face, and collapse on top of you.

With all that I have left in me, I break down and cry.


	15. Kingdom of shit

_  
Kingdom of shit

* * *

Your corpse was all I had left - and now it's gone.

Left alone with the bodies of those who meant nothing to me.

I sit alone on the log we shared on the day this all began. Yearning for what no longer exists.

Look out to the sea. Before too long, the sun sets.

* * *

The island has been completely destroyed.  
Nothing left. Only fragments remain.  
Memories.  
Destroyed relics of the past. My past.

* * *

I've scoured this land more times than I care to even try to count.

Not looking for anything in particular. Just looking.

Digging through the wreckage.

Taking it all in.

* * *

I can't seem to find any traces of you.  
Been looking for a reminder.  
Something. Anything.  
Not a trace of evidence that you even existed on the face of this island.

* * *

Cold. The night is cold.

The days are long and hot.

I find pieces of myself scattered arbitrarily across this land.

Pieces of the me that no longer exists. There is nothing left for me here.

* * *

"I told you not to look back. Now, look what's happened."  
Now. Then. What's to come. It's all the same. Why should it matter?  
"Your kingdom awaits you, Sora."

* * *

I look out to the sea, and I see you there, in the distance.

Standing on the water. Waiting for me. Both of you.

I feel warmth inside, and I begin to walk towards you.

Body defying logic, feet stepping across the calm waters as if walking on glass.

* * *

Wait for me. Please.  
"You didn't wait for us."  
You left me. I opened my eyes and you were gone.  
"We were taken."

* * *

You seem to get further and further away. Both of you.

Holding hands. It makes me sick.

I push on.

Sun. Moon. Sun. Moon. I'll see a thousand of each before you're mine again.

* * *

I tried to find you.  
"You destroyed us, Sora," you say in unison.  
I didn't mean to. I...  
"You failed us."

* * *

Closer. Farther. Closer. Farther.

I haven't stopped. Not once, not for a second.

Walk for years. Age and time are meaningless.

As are the limitations of this useless body.

* * *

What are you? I ask. What are you that plagues me this way?  
"We are you, Sora. We are the part of you that you had destroyed."  
Destroy the rest of me, I say. I am useless.  
"It is already so. You just haven't seen that part yet."

* * *

Afraid I can't go on any longer. I fall to my knees.

You stand before me, hands tightly linked.

You look down at me with disapproval.

I look down at my own reflection. Also with disapproval.

* * *

"Your kingdom awaits you, Sora."  
I don't want it.  
"It's been waiting for you all this time."  
I just need it...

* * *

I start to sink, expecting to feel the cold water engulfing my body slowly. But I don't feel anything, I don't feel anything at all.

You're sad. I can feel it. It's okay, I am, too. I understand, I really do. I'm just as disappointed as you are.

The weight of my legs pulling me down faster than my top half. My whole body is numb to everything, and when I think about it, I mean, when I really think about it, they have been for the longest time. I've been faking all my sensations and emotions. I've been in shock for longer than I can remember. All of this is a lie, and everything is in my head. Life is an intense illusion, brought on by the fear of nonexistence. But that's okay, because it's better that way.

I look up at you and I smile. It's not a smile of happiness. It doesn't exist for any reason. It's just a smile. It's just there.

* * *

In the instance that I blink, your corpses are gone once again.  
Night. I look up to the starless sky. Only the moon stares back at me.  
She tells me a secret, and I try to laugh, but simply can't bring myself to do so.  
Alone, I sink into the black abyss. Alone, as I always was.

* * *

The shadows hold me, caressing my fragile, naked form.

I feel neither good or bad about any of this. I just feel content. Things are the way they are. I feel nothing for any of this. Not the sense of loss. Not the sense of gain. Nothing.. I feel nothing.

Holding my breath, I notice that I can't really tell if my eyes are open, or closed.

Light has faded from my existence entirely. Now, I just await fading from the latter.

* * *

"Are you okay, Sora?"  
I guess so. If that's what this is.  
"Do you still love me?"  
I'm sorry. I feel nothing. Not for you, not for anything. No hard feelings.

* * *

Open my eyes.  
Blue.  
Seagulls swoop across the blue canvas that is the sky. Splotched with white clouds. So like a painting. So surreal.  
Turn my head, and the mast invades my vision.  
The raft...  
Look to my right.  
Nothing.  
Look to my left.  
No-one.  
Riku..  
Kairi.  
Both of you are gone. You have been. I should have expected this, but for whatever reason, I still expected to see you. Both of you.  
Dry tongue scrapes across the back of chalklike teeth.  
Lips cracked and bleeding. Scorching hot sun beats down on me, and I've nothing left to sweat. I stare at the bright reflection of it in the calm waters this raft glides seamlessly across. Rocking gently back and forth.  
I'd throw up if I could, but I haven't eaten in days.  
My glorious kingdom, at last, I have arrived.  
I look down at the reflection of this useless shell - a shell I do not recognize.  
A stranger in my own eyes. The only good parts of me killed off, destroyed by my own hand.  
I sit atop my thrown in my kingdom of shit, and look out into the horizon.  
The sun is setting. Something I would once consider beautiful, but now feel nothing for. It evokes very little from me.  
I watch the sun disappear behind the endless glass that stretches out before me, and wonder what worlds, what fruitless endeavors await me on the other side of it.

Probably nothing.

Nothing at all...

* * *

ÆdS - 2010


End file.
